Wednesday, August 25, 2010

'For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God..'

So at first it was really difficult to feel right at home here in Kansas City. I was struggling with my feelings because I didn’t wanna say that I missed home already and admit that I was homesick because nothing turned out how I imagined it would. The enemy was definitely on attack mode right away because it was like attack after another the moment we arrived. After a long 20+ hours on the road, we finally got to the house (or should I say basement) and had difficulties on how to get in it because we didn’t have a key. We headed to the prayer room since we had time to waste before we could get the key. So with our sweats and horrid appearances did we boldly walk into the prayer room for our first time. As expected, it was beyond amazing. It was like a taste of what heaven would sound like and it was about 4am at this time. Words won’t give it justice so I won’t even try! :) When we finally got into the basement, it wasn’t at all what we expected as a place we would be staying at for 3 months. There were cobwebs everywhere, it reeked of a granny’s house scent, etc. and we knew there was no way we would be able to sleep in the place until it was cleaned up. So lacking sleep and downing some Redline, we journeyed to Walmart to get supplies and ended up getting groceries somehow and spent hours in Walmart. We went back to the basement and cleaned and I believe ended up sleeping afternoonish of the next day. Yes, crazy.

Weeks went by, and still I was feeling uneasy about life here for the next 3 months. Then I went to Higher Grounds Café to just browse on the laptop and ended up staying there for about 4 hours or so and just didn’t wanna leave? I was intrigued as I sat in the café and observed the people who would come in and out. At times it felt as though I got a glimpse into their lives because I honestly tuned into some of their conversations (yes, call me nosey, call me weird, whatever! Lol) and just observed their mannerisms. As I sat there and thought of how life would be living here, it was almost like wow, I could actually see myself living this kind of lifestyle and one day being one of these people. I knew it was reassurance from the Father to just trust Him and to know that I’m on the right track and everything would be okay. Thereafter, I felt a lot better about being here in Kansas City but I knew there was still a lot I would have to get used to.

Then the next thing I know, He began to reveal things in me that needed to change so I could draw closer to Him and receive more from Him. He began to show me all of the hindrances in the way of me receiving all He had for me. He first began by showing me that I had a spirit of anger and bitterness. Not bitterness necessarily for one person but for everyone at certain times! I would get into random moods where I just got aggravated, and not even because someone did something to me but just because I was jus annoyed! Someone would ask me a simple question and I’d reply with a sarcastic rude answer! The Lord even showed me that I did this to my parents frequently and it horrified me just remembering how I spoke to them on an everyday basis when all they really wanted to know was how my day was or what my plans were for the day. It disgusted me. Our fellowship with God is diminished by clinging to anger and bitterness! Like Ian Rutherford said in my Commission class, “Anger, in simple terms, is the willingness to assert your will over another person to the point you are ready to murder them. Anger reinforces self-centeredness and self exaltation to the level that taking the life of the other person in our heart of hearts seems reasonable. We evaluate others around us as less than human when we walk in anger. Our “vindication” in anger is simply doing to others what has been done to us: dehumanization. Bitterness is unfulfilled revenge” Here’s another good thing he said, “Our anger is not put there by the person who wronged us. Our anger is the latent energy of our depravity that is aroused when we feel wronged or slighted. Our hardship is used to reveal what already exists in our inner man. (wow, yeah that one struck me so much it actually made me say WOW out loud) The anger of our heart is aroused and fed as we agree with darkness; this begins with meditation thought, mostly focused on our self and our plight.”

The day Ian spoke this message made me want to NEVER go back to how I used to be even more! Since the Lord gave me a revelation of how unrighteous it was to have anger and bitterness, He has just given me so much grace and has been teaching me how to count it ALL as joy. No matter what I’m feeling that day, He’s still good to me, no matter what horrible situation I’m in at that moment, He’s STILL good to me, no matter what horrible thing someone has done to me, He’s STILL good to me, no matter WHAT, He is good! So why not count it all as joy knowing that you are blessed, knowing that He loves you, and knowing that He is ALWAYS good? :) We’ve got a good good God and a good good Father! Here’s an awesome verse on this whole topic, let it encourage you!

James 1:2-27 (New International Reader’s Version)

Facing All Kinds of Trouble

2 My brothers and sisters, you will face all kinds of trouble. When you do, think of it as pure joy. 3 Your faith will be put to the test. You know that when that happens it will produce in you the strength to continue. 4 The strength to keep going must be allowed to finish its work. Then you will be all you should be. You will have everything you need.
5 If any of you need wisdom, ask God for it. He will give it to you. God gives freely to everyone. He doesn't find fault.
6 But when you ask, you must believe. You must not doubt. People who doubt are like waves of the sea. The wind blows and tosses them around. 7 A man like that shouldn't expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 He can't make up his mind. He can never decide what to do.
9 A believer who finds himself in a low position in life should be proud that God has given him a high position. 10 But someone who is rich should take pride in his low position. That's because he will fade away like a wild flower.
11 The sun rises. Its burning heat dries up the plants. Their blossoms fall. Their beauty is destroyed. In the same way, a rich person will fade away even as he goes about his business.
12 Blessed is the man who keeps on going when times are hard. After he has come through them, he will receive a crown. The crown is life itself. God has promised it to those who love him.
13 When you are tempted, you shouldn't say, "God is tempting me." God can't be tempted by evil. And he doesn't tempt anyone.
14 But your own evil longings tempt you. They lead you on and drag you away. 15 When they are allowed to grow, they give birth to sin. When sin has grown up, it gives birth to death.
16 My dear brothers and sisters, don't let anyone fool you. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from God. It comes down from the Father. He created the heavenly lights. He does not change like shadows that move.
18 God chose to give us new birth through the message of truth. He wanted us to be the first and best of everything he created.

Listen to the Word and Do What It Says

19 My dear brothers and sisters, pay attention to what I say. Everyone should be quick to listen. But they should be slow to speak. They should be slow to get angry. 20 A man's anger doesn't produce the kind of life God wants.
21 So get rid of everything that is dirty and sinful. Get rid of the evil that is all around us. Don't be too proud to accept the word that is planted in you. It can save you.
22 Don't just listen to the word. You fool yourselves if you do that. You must do what it says.
23 Suppose you listen to the word but don't do what it says. Then you are like a man who looks at his face in a mirror. 24 After looking at himself, he leaves. Right away he forgets what he looks like.
25 But suppose you take a good look at the perfect law that gives freedom. You keep looking at it. You don't forget what you've heard, but you do what the law says. Then you will be blessed in what you do.
26 Suppose you think your beliefs are right because of how you live. But you don't control what you say. Then you are fooling yourselves. Your beliefs are not worth anything at all.
27 Here are the kinds of beliefs that God our Father accepts as pure and without fault. When widows and children who have no parents are in trouble, take care of them. And keep yourselves from being polluted by the world.

Love you all :)


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i`m head over heels in love with Jesus. i was made to love Him and be loved by Him. i`m a musician. i`m a singer. i`m a dancer. i`m spontaneous. i`m goofy. i`m a smiler. :D i`m blessed. i`m random. i`m a good listener. i`m trustworthy. i`m original. i`m unique. i`m set apart, consecrated unto Him, and i live my life only to glorify, worship, and love my beloved with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my mind, and all my strength.