Sunday, September 12, 2010

Consecration is key to a pursuit of holiness

So this happened like a month ago but it was the turning point of journey here in Kansas City. I came to an Awakening service one night feeling so heavy physically, spiritually, and mentally and was SO ready to receive from the Lord. I was so anxious for the Lord to make a change in my heart that particular night. I had been feeling like my time in Kansas City has been a waste because my heart wasn't right and I had been letting myself become distracted. I had at some point fell back into watching drama series which I had once given up to consecrate myself and guard my eyes. It's funny how the enemy can sneak in to take an opportunity to attack when you don't keep your guard up and stay in the word. Truth is, we as a Bride really are just not rooted and grounded at all and this is why it is so common for us to fall back into the same old sin we were once trapped in. What we don't realize is that some of the things we let our eyes see are not as clean as we think. We bombard our mind with trash from the things we watch and listen to. They are usually full of sexual immorality, slander, gossip, murder, impurity, witchcraft, and so much more! They are NOT just entertainment or beats to stir up your emotions or feed on the emotions you have at that moment! As Corey Russell has said, "Our senses are DULL!" Anyways! lol I began to flood my head with these shows, watching episode after episode after episode just because I wanted to know what happened next! And the next thing you knew, I had been sitting there for 6+ hours just watching them! I would stay up to a ridiculous time in the morning like 4am and be exhausted the next day and not even wanna go to the prayer room! I know right!? What is that!!?? It's like a veil was over my eyes during that period! It wore me out not only physically but spiritually. My spirit became weak, dull, lazy, bored, weary, confused, and just BLAH! I missed getting sweet revelations from the Lord, I missed hearing his voice during the day, I missed being able to receive and encounter Him. And it was that night at the Awakening when I finally have had enough of it and wanted out!! Now don't think that if in the future or even now have felt this exact way and wanted a change that you would need to come to Kansas City for an Awakening service because all the Lord wants you to do for it is repent and declare that you wanna turn from your ways and start anew. Your desire for change and more of the Lord is enough to move His heart and give you the desire of your heart. So Wes called a word of knowledge for those who are ready to seriously get serious and lay it all down and live a consecrated lifestyle and of course I stood up on the bleachers but didn't go to the front (while anxious for change, still hesitant and scared). An older lady came up to me to pray for me and she lead me through a prayer basically guarding my eyes and ears and using my imagination for the things of God and nothing else. I felt a little lighter but still knew I needed more prayer. Then Allen Hood got on the mi and spoke on the love of the Father and it being poured out on us and I realized that I really never fully received it. I knew I'd experienced a taste here and there of His love for me but never had I fully received it and felt it. So I definitely rushed up to the front this time. I wanted it and I NEEDED it. So I went up there, Allen praying over us, and just cried and cried and cried and let it all out at His feet. In the midst of the cry-fest, some people came up to me and prayed and prophesied over me. There was this one particular girl (her name is Christa) who stayed with me the WHOLE time and kept repeating this phrase "You're adored" in my ear and it was like one of Susan's analogy of a hammer hitting a rock over and over again until it breaks kind of thing lol where after a while, I was like WHOA! I'm adored!!! :) She also said that I had been speaking words of condemnation and shame and just lies over myself and that I needed to stop and literally speak what the Lord says I am over myself! She lastly said I was like a mountain but I could not for the life of me remember why she said that and her explanation! lol There was also another man who prayed and prophesied over me. One of the things he discerned was that I was an artsy person and that I saw beauty in things that most people do not and that the Lord loved this characteristic of me. He also mentioned my necklace shaped in like eye glasses (which was mentioned in the prophecy rooms at OHOP as well) and again, it was said that the Lord's eye was still on me and that He wanted me to see myself as He saw me. He also prayed over me a lot and just read my mail! He said exactly what I felt like my longing for change and wanting to get it finished that night and finally surrounding it all and he prophesied that I would be a new person after that night. He prayed that the love of the Father would go from my head to my heart, that God would brand me again and place that fire and burning desire I once had back in me. It was just SO good that night. The Lord really shifted something in me, woke me up, and brought a great change in me. He even gave me a little surprise after all of that (of course after I made a trip to the restroom to make sure my face wasn't covered in black from my mascara and eyeliner lol) and while I was dancing freely and jumping around, a cute little girl was walking by and she turned and looked at me and started to dance with me and jump with me! Children give me such great joy and that totally ended my night so well! God is so good and His ways are like no other! Be watchful because the enemy will try to attack frequently and try to speak lies in your ear. He will try to tell you that you weren't delivered from something, you really weren't healed (and even cause your body to hurt as it once did), that your fire won't last, that you'll go back to how you were before, etc.. Have no doubt and renounce and rebuke him and his lies. And you may fall and stumble at times but don't let the enemy fill you with shame and condemnation, just repent, get back up and start anew. His mercies are new every morning!! Praise Jesus! This is long, sorry! :)

15 more days!!!

Love you all,

Thursday, September 9, 2010

One Good Word.

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- Sept. 6, 2010

"I am bringing you into alignment on every level. It is My will to position you properly so that My purposes can be accomplished and My kingdom established. You may not think that you, as an individual, have much to do with destiny. But, everything you think, say, or do is vitally important to the spiritual condition of your sphere of influence. Be diligent to demonstrate the kingdom."

"You have been repositioned as you have had to let go of many things that once meant everything too you. This has been for the purpose of establishing you in greater spiritual reality with renewed strength and vitality. You have stepped into a time of being reconnected to your spiritual roots yet with refreshing revelation."

"The days ahead will be filled with My glory in the practical and commonplace things of life as you maintain awareness and see My manifest presence in unexpected ways. Walk in the Spirit and be available."

"Events that left you reeling and trying to find stability and balance will now truly become a thing of the past as you begin to realize how insignificant it all was as compared with eternity and destiny. The power of My healing and restoration will become evident as you are able to release those who caused you pain. Forgiveness is essential to redemption."

"I have established an altar in the heavenlies, in the realm of the Spirit, where you can bring all that concerns you, things you can do nothing about, and things you have absolutely no control over. Leave them with Me and release your fear and anxiety. Nothing is impossible with Me. Come into that place of peace and rest, trusting Me in all things."

"You feel like you've been cut off, but this cutting off has only been from those things that needed to be put aside at this time. You are like a tree that has been cut off and banded so that your spiritual roots could go deeper and you could become stronger. Let your roots go deeper in the Word, in revelation, and relationship to Me. The day of release will come in due season."

"There are times when you feel totally disconnected and alone. This is because the enemy of your soul has lied to you and tried to isolate and weaken you. But, that is not My design or plan for you. Now is the time to reconnect spiritually, first to Me, and then to those who are Mine. Take the time and make the effort to re-establish yourself in divine connections and kingdom purpose."

"Allow Me to take you forward inch by inch, step by step, without fear or worry. I am with you and will open doors that no man can shut and to shut doors that no man can open. Trust Me with your future. I have already proven to you over and over again that I alone am your place of security, says the Lord."


Wow I know its been a while since I've posted a blog, and this is gonna be a short one for the sake of time but I have a couple more blogs to post in the next couple worries.. :)

But I thought this prophecy here totally just read my mail, and is basically all that the Lord has been and excitingly will be doing! He is just SO good! Love you all!


Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I got the opportunity to practice my photography on a beautiful friend of mine named Stephanie. She has a beautiful smile that could light up a room! As cliche as it may sound, she is not only beautiful on the outside but she truly is beautiful on the inside as well. She is so sweet, encouraging, funny, and just awesome! :) Here's a few of my favorite shots from the day! Enjoy!


'For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God..'

So at first it was really difficult to feel right at home here in Kansas City. I was struggling with my feelings because I didn’t wanna say that I missed home already and admit that I was homesick because nothing turned out how I imagined it would. The enemy was definitely on attack mode right away because it was like attack after another the moment we arrived. After a long 20+ hours on the road, we finally got to the house (or should I say basement) and had difficulties on how to get in it because we didn’t have a key. We headed to the prayer room since we had time to waste before we could get the key. So with our sweats and horrid appearances did we boldly walk into the prayer room for our first time. As expected, it was beyond amazing. It was like a taste of what heaven would sound like and it was about 4am at this time. Words won’t give it justice so I won’t even try! :) When we finally got into the basement, it wasn’t at all what we expected as a place we would be staying at for 3 months. There were cobwebs everywhere, it reeked of a granny’s house scent, etc. and we knew there was no way we would be able to sleep in the place until it was cleaned up. So lacking sleep and downing some Redline, we journeyed to Walmart to get supplies and ended up getting groceries somehow and spent hours in Walmart. We went back to the basement and cleaned and I believe ended up sleeping afternoonish of the next day. Yes, crazy.

Weeks went by, and still I was feeling uneasy about life here for the next 3 months. Then I went to Higher Grounds Café to just browse on the laptop and ended up staying there for about 4 hours or so and just didn’t wanna leave? I was intrigued as I sat in the café and observed the people who would come in and out. At times it felt as though I got a glimpse into their lives because I honestly tuned into some of their conversations (yes, call me nosey, call me weird, whatever! Lol) and just observed their mannerisms. As I sat there and thought of how life would be living here, it was almost like wow, I could actually see myself living this kind of lifestyle and one day being one of these people. I knew it was reassurance from the Father to just trust Him and to know that I’m on the right track and everything would be okay. Thereafter, I felt a lot better about being here in Kansas City but I knew there was still a lot I would have to get used to.

Then the next thing I know, He began to reveal things in me that needed to change so I could draw closer to Him and receive more from Him. He began to show me all of the hindrances in the way of me receiving all He had for me. He first began by showing me that I had a spirit of anger and bitterness. Not bitterness necessarily for one person but for everyone at certain times! I would get into random moods where I just got aggravated, and not even because someone did something to me but just because I was jus annoyed! Someone would ask me a simple question and I’d reply with a sarcastic rude answer! The Lord even showed me that I did this to my parents frequently and it horrified me just remembering how I spoke to them on an everyday basis when all they really wanted to know was how my day was or what my plans were for the day. It disgusted me. Our fellowship with God is diminished by clinging to anger and bitterness! Like Ian Rutherford said in my Commission class, “Anger, in simple terms, is the willingness to assert your will over another person to the point you are ready to murder them. Anger reinforces self-centeredness and self exaltation to the level that taking the life of the other person in our heart of hearts seems reasonable. We evaluate others around us as less than human when we walk in anger. Our “vindication” in anger is simply doing to others what has been done to us: dehumanization. Bitterness is unfulfilled revenge” Here’s another good thing he said, “Our anger is not put there by the person who wronged us. Our anger is the latent energy of our depravity that is aroused when we feel wronged or slighted. Our hardship is used to reveal what already exists in our inner man. (wow, yeah that one struck me so much it actually made me say WOW out loud) The anger of our heart is aroused and fed as we agree with darkness; this begins with meditation thought, mostly focused on our self and our plight.”

The day Ian spoke this message made me want to NEVER go back to how I used to be even more! Since the Lord gave me a revelation of how unrighteous it was to have anger and bitterness, He has just given me so much grace and has been teaching me how to count it ALL as joy. No matter what I’m feeling that day, He’s still good to me, no matter what horrible situation I’m in at that moment, He’s STILL good to me, no matter what horrible thing someone has done to me, He’s STILL good to me, no matter WHAT, He is good! So why not count it all as joy knowing that you are blessed, knowing that He loves you, and knowing that He is ALWAYS good? :) We’ve got a good good God and a good good Father! Here’s an awesome verse on this whole topic, let it encourage you!

James 1:2-27 (New International Reader’s Version)

Facing All Kinds of Trouble

2 My brothers and sisters, you will face all kinds of trouble. When you do, think of it as pure joy. 3 Your faith will be put to the test. You know that when that happens it will produce in you the strength to continue. 4 The strength to keep going must be allowed to finish its work. Then you will be all you should be. You will have everything you need.
5 If any of you need wisdom, ask God for it. He will give it to you. God gives freely to everyone. He doesn't find fault.
6 But when you ask, you must believe. You must not doubt. People who doubt are like waves of the sea. The wind blows and tosses them around. 7 A man like that shouldn't expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 He can't make up his mind. He can never decide what to do.
9 A believer who finds himself in a low position in life should be proud that God has given him a high position. 10 But someone who is rich should take pride in his low position. That's because he will fade away like a wild flower.
11 The sun rises. Its burning heat dries up the plants. Their blossoms fall. Their beauty is destroyed. In the same way, a rich person will fade away even as he goes about his business.
12 Blessed is the man who keeps on going when times are hard. After he has come through them, he will receive a crown. The crown is life itself. God has promised it to those who love him.
13 When you are tempted, you shouldn't say, "God is tempting me." God can't be tempted by evil. And he doesn't tempt anyone.
14 But your own evil longings tempt you. They lead you on and drag you away. 15 When they are allowed to grow, they give birth to sin. When sin has grown up, it gives birth to death.
16 My dear brothers and sisters, don't let anyone fool you. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from God. It comes down from the Father. He created the heavenly lights. He does not change like shadows that move.
18 God chose to give us new birth through the message of truth. He wanted us to be the first and best of everything he created.

Listen to the Word and Do What It Says

19 My dear brothers and sisters, pay attention to what I say. Everyone should be quick to listen. But they should be slow to speak. They should be slow to get angry. 20 A man's anger doesn't produce the kind of life God wants.
21 So get rid of everything that is dirty and sinful. Get rid of the evil that is all around us. Don't be too proud to accept the word that is planted in you. It can save you.
22 Don't just listen to the word. You fool yourselves if you do that. You must do what it says.
23 Suppose you listen to the word but don't do what it says. Then you are like a man who looks at his face in a mirror. 24 After looking at himself, he leaves. Right away he forgets what he looks like.
25 But suppose you take a good look at the perfect law that gives freedom. You keep looking at it. You don't forget what you've heard, but you do what the law says. Then you will be blessed in what you do.
26 Suppose you think your beliefs are right because of how you live. But you don't control what you say. Then you are fooling yourselves. Your beliefs are not worth anything at all.
27 Here are the kinds of beliefs that God our Father accepts as pure and without fault. When widows and children who have no parents are in trouble, take care of them. And keep yourselves from being polluted by the world.

Love you all :)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Kansas City Photography Workshop With Shelley Paulson

Before I begin to pour out what's been going on with me this past month and something days here in Kansas City, I thought I'd start by sharing a little something I did a couple weeks ago for fun! I went to this photography workshop which I saw an ad for on the bulletin that they passed out at FCF one Sunday. It said a professional photographer by the name of Shelley Paulson would be hosting it and it was gonna be an 8-hour workshop which not only was educational on photography but also hands on. Her teaching was mostly on natural lighting and the beauty of it as opposed to flash photography. It amazed me because I truly was a flash junkie and just loved the way the flash made the pictures look to me, even though it really didn't look very natural. She taught me a alot. I had no idea there were so many different types of light. I love taking photos of people, children, nature, events, etc. but I did it because it was a fun hobby and I love the feeling it gave me but I had never thought to look deep into it. I usually just photographed on Auto or played a little on Program. Shelley went a little deeper and at times, I admit I was a little lost with the terminology but in the midst of all of it, I learned quite a bit and it left me interested to know more. I realized that this could possibly be something I could do as a career or a side job besides being a full time missionary to the house of prayer and being a worship leader. Shelley also shared her passion and heart for photography and it made me fall in love with photography more for some reason. She shared how photography heals in three ways. 1) It is an act of love. 2) It makes an honest connection (with the person you photography). 3) It gives comfort. And I particularly loved these quotes that she shared,

"Every time you photograph someone, you tell them, 'You're important enough to remember'" -Cheryl Jacobs-Nicolai

"Vision is given freely to those who ask to see"

I love photography. :)


Monday, July 20, 2009


this is my attempt to keep up with a blog. my last experience with this kind of thing was xanga back in the middle school days! lol we'll see how this goes. ill be using this to vent if im in the mood to vent and just write, to give you a piece of my mind, to be random, to share things with you, to sell things if i need money lol, things that have been going on in my life, anything i can think of i suppose. i dont expect many to read this but i think it'll be good for me to have something like this! anyways, ill be back to update soon. i shall christinize this blog. :)

God bless!

About Me

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i`m head over heels in love with Jesus. i was made to love Him and be loved by Him. i`m a musician. i`m a singer. i`m a dancer. i`m spontaneous. i`m goofy. i`m a smiler. :D i`m blessed. i`m random. i`m a good listener. i`m trustworthy. i`m original. i`m unique. i`m set apart, consecrated unto Him, and i live my life only to glorify, worship, and love my beloved with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my mind, and all my strength.